#10 The Pressure Relief Valve: How To Process and Release Emotions and Challenges In a Healthy Way To Minimize Your Pain and The Collateral Damage To Your Loved Ones.

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Do you ever lose your temper or get overwhelmed with sadness, worry, stress or any of the other challenging emotions?

Why does that happen to us?

To answer that, I wanna share an analogy with you.

You know those big silver tanker trucks carrying fuel that you see driving down the freeway?

If you look closely, those tankers have a vent on top of them. It's called a “pressure relief valve,” and that valve pops open and the tanker off-gasses when the internal pressure gets to be too much.

It’s designed so that there's not a major explosion that kills everybody, which is awesome. right?

Well, unfortunately, as humans, we don't come with a pressure relief valve; but we need one too.

If you don't process and release emotions and challenges in a healthy way, they come out amplified and cause you pain as well as collateral damage to your loved ones.

Oftentimes, this pressure manifests with anger and throwing adult temper tantrums.

And I say this not from a judgmental standpoint. I used to yell and punch holes in walls like the total emotional rookie that I was.

But remember, even if your anger is justified, it's wise to let that sh*t go and release it, because experiencing anger is like holding onto hot coals. You're the only person who's gonna get burned.

And the tool I’m sharing today on Episode 9 of The Grit, Growth & Gratitude Podcast is one of the major game changers that led me to this easy, happy, peaceful way of experiencing life.

So tune-in, and let’s develop your healthy pressure relief valves!

Let’s Connect!

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Episode #10 Transcription

What's up people? Joe here and today we're continuing our series on beefing up your muscle of emotional intelligence. And this muscle is way more important than any other one, including those big old biceps, because this muscle dictates how well you do at crushing your goals, how good of a leader you are, how happy you are, and how much your relationships thrive.

So it is mission critical, and like I said, this is a series, so if you haven't been following along and you're just jumping in here, I would definitely recommend that you go back to episode six, which is titled How to Ditch Stress, crush Your Goals, and Be Happy Af and Start There. . Regardless though, today I'm gonna be teaching on an exercise that you can tap into the next time you're experiencing stress, burnout, anger, anxiety, worry, fear, sadness, any of the bad vibes, so that you can release that stuff and get back to feeling good very quickly.

Before I get into all that, I still have yet to get through one of these episodes without dropping multiple F bombs. So use your discretion while listening. And I like to call this exercise the pressure relief valve. You know when you're driving down the freeway and you see those large silver tanker trucks that are carrying fuel, Well, if you look closely on the top of those tanker trucks, they have a vent and it's called a pressure relief valve, and that vent pops open and the tanker off gasses whenever the internal pressure gets to be too much, so that there's not a major explosion that kills everybody, which is awesome.

Right? But unfortunately, as humans, we don't come with a pressure relief valve, but we need them too. . And if you don't vent your challenging emotions and your difficult experiences in a healthy way, they manifest with chaos, sadness, depression, anxiety, not being as happy as you could be, or one of the worst of all emotional rookie adult temper tantrums.

And I say this not from a judgemental standpoint, if you go listen to episode number four of this podcast, I share with embarrassing detail how I used to scream at my wife. I punched holes in walls. I was a shiny example of how bottling your emotions up and not releasing these challenging experiences in a healthy way causes damage And this tool I'm talking about today is one of the things that helped me correct that. And as I mentioned, it helps with any challenging emotion, but it is especially helpful with anger. And remember, even if your anger is justified, It's wise to let that shit go because holding onto anger is like holding onto hot coals. You are the only one who's gonna get burned. That dickhead who cut you off in traffic. That's one. Assault on your wellbeing, but now he's at home chilling out with his girlfriend, watching Netflix, eating a steak dinner, not thinking twice about it, and you're fuming.

You can't get over it. Your evening is wrecked. So now this, a-hole is up on you two to zero because you gave up your power. The only real power that you have, which is not to control circumstances, but to control how you respond to circumstances and how much you let those negative emotions affect your wellbeing.

And being angry sucks so bad. As I mentioned, I used to live in that place, so I know And the contrast between my old existence, which was sitting in anger and depression quite a bit, and what I got going on these days, which is feeling emotions, processing and releasing them, and then almost always, immediately getting back to radical joy and inner peace is monumental, and I want that transformation for you too. But this stuff just doesn't go away and resolve on its own.

Hanger is an egotistical bastard and he demands to be processed, experienced, and released in a healthy way.

So that's why we're gonna develop our pressure relief valves. And just like with physical fitness, with your emotional fitness, there's a million different ways to slice this up. And what exactly works for me will be a little bit different than what works for you. But today I'm gonna share a handful of different common effective methods, and then you can experiment on what the most effective pressure relief valve for you is.

And one method is getting destructive, which is awesome, right? I love that punk rock chaos. But you gotta do it in a way that doesn't cause injury to you, a family member, a loved one, or your relationships, and that won't get you arrested. And there are some healthy and legal effective ways to satisfy that impulse to rage up like the incredible Hulk when you're feeling stressed.

And this is healthy because like that tanker truck, when you're about to explode, you've gotta get that poison outta your system. So what I do is I go outside and I beat the shit outta my punching bag. In last week's episode, we learned about move it to lose it. This is kind of a combination of move it to lose it and the pressure relief valve and I. It so hard that my neck hurts because I have a neck injury and I'm exhausted and my hands hurt, and when I'm done, that rage has dissipated big time.

And so instead of turning my family or the guy who cut me off in traffic into a proverbial punching bag, I'm using the real punching bag, which is what it's designed for anyway. And this method works really well for my son too. And if you have adolescent or teenage boys with like surging testosterone, it's good to teach them healthy and non-destructive outlets for that anger because like I mentioned, it has to go somewhere.

And if they internalize it, that's obviously no good, but if they don't externalize it in a healthy and legal way that causes damage and gets 'em into trouble. , it reminds me of the movie office space where those guys are just beating the shit out of the Xerox machine. And speaking of the hat, if that idea appeals to you, there's actually places called rage rooms where you can go destroy property legally.

But if that doesn't appeal to you, you can chop wood with an ax. You can hit a big tire with a sledgehammer or a baseball bat. Like I mentioned, the punching bag works really well. There's a lot of ways you can do this.

And so healthy and legal destruction is our first pressure relief valve option. And our second one seems kind of silly, but before you scoff at it, let's face it, not growing our emotional regulation muscles and sitting in misery and discomfort. And having adult temper tantrums is silly too. And this method is actually really effective for a lot of people once they give it a try.

And what it entails is right when you're starting to feel angry, sad, overwhelmed, frustrated. You yell as loud as you can, but you mute yourself by yelling into a pillow. This method is super effective for my daughter, and when she's feeling rage or stress, if she's mature and grounded enough to be like, dad, I gotta go yell, then she knows anything is fair game.

She can cuss, she can throw insults, she can say whatever she wants.

So she'll let out like a blood curdling scream. And if that pillow wasn't there, it would be brutal. Listen to, and she'll be like, you motherfucker, I hate you, blah, blah, blah.

And I know on the surface that's weird, I let my 11 year old drop MF bombs, but it's a safe and healthy way for her to vent her anger and not internalize it. And when she's done, she's all bright red and huffing and puffing, and it's out of her system. And then she'll talk to me, or she'll go right in her journal or she'll call a friend and she's using that pressure relief valve and it turns the volume down so much.

And obviously this might be embarrassing to do, I'm probably the only grown man who you'll ever meet who will get on a public forum, like a podcast and be like, yeah, I scream into a pillow sometimes.

But do yourself a favor and just try it. Do it when nobody's watching, and see how quickly you can drop those hot anger coals that you're hanging onto.

You deserve it. And the third pressure relief valve that I'm gonna teach you today.

Is literally venting, just like those tanker trucks and venting is super healthy, but you gotta do it right because a lot of us think we're venting. , but we're actually more like a tanker truck that has a slow leak and it's just spilling fuel all over the freeway as it's driving down the road. And that's like the equivalent of getting caught up with negativity and perpetually gossiping and complaining, and that's no good for you or the people you're around.

. So ideally for this exercise, you find a really awesome ride or die homie who you can be totally vulnerable and authentic in front of, but those are hard to come by. So if you don't have one of those that you're quite comfortable with, you can use a journal, a Word document, or a voice recorder on your phone, and then you can delete the recording right away after you're done.

And so how this plays out is whenever you're stressed, sad, worried, anxious, angry.

you're gonna use what I call your journal voice. And your journal voice is not your mature adult, true north real voice. It's like your inner child, inner teenager, nasty, angry, selfish, childlike, but authentic, irritated, and stressed out self. And although we don't like that part of ourselves and it's challenging to tap into him, he needs to be acknowledged before he's willing to walk away.

And so like for me, what this looks like in real life is I call up my buddy Braley. He doesn't judge me at all. He knows all about the journal voice. He's into therapy and stuff too. And so I'll be like, Hey man, I gotta do an authentic journal voice vent. And he'll be like, go ahead. And what that means is he's gonna listen to me.

I'm gonna say some crazy, immature, angry, stressed out. He's not gonna judge me or hold it over my head later, and he's not gonna try and gimme advice. I just need to voice this stuff to a friendly, compassionate ear. And so I'll be like, oh, I'm so fucking annoyed with my kids. I hate being a dad. And he's like, I'm sorry man, that sucks.

And he knows I fucking love being a dad. I don't hate my kids. But getting this stuff off my chest and expressing my raw, immature, authentic, nasty emotions actually fills my cup up. So, kind of ironically, I can actually pour out more to my kids when they get home from school, and I can reconnect and love on them, but also just for me, I hate feeling stressed out and I love the good vibes, and that's what I want for you too.

And for whatever reason. The way the brain works, these emotions don't get released unless you use your most vulnerable, authentic, gritty, selfish, emotionally immature voice. So learn to tap into that and develop that voice and then find healthy ways of processing and getting these thoughts and feelings.

And I guarantee you, you'll feel way better and you'll enjoy life more.

And I think that's a good stopping point for today. So let me just hit the bullet points.

Stress, anger, anxiety, worry. These are all natural parts of the human experience. You're gonna feel them. , but you don't have to hold onto them, and you definitely don't have to let them overwhelm you or hinder your good vibes, but you do have to process and release them.

And a really effective and healthy way to do that is to foster your pressure relief valve. And there's three really effective ways of doing that. Number one, destroy some shit in a legally and healthy. Number two,

Develop your journal voice and then make sure nobody's watching and scream and yell into a pillow as loud and hard as you can until you're diffused.

And number three, take that same authentic journal voice. and vent your frustrations to a friend, a Word document or a voice recorder in a totally gritty, raw and authentic vulnerable way. And just like in last week's episode, before you head out the door entirely, I want to ask you to do something. Follow me on Instagram and connect there.

Because I've been fielding a lot of questions on meditation, emotional fitness, conscious parenting, anger management, and all of this stuff. And so I'm gonna do a q and a episode. If you leave me a quick voice memo on Instagram direct messaging, I might give you a shout out, play your question and answer your directly, which is super fun cuz we're building a community here of big hearted, emotionally mature warriors who aren't afraid to grow and heal.

And who know that the only way out is through, but that it's way better to go through it together. And so that being said, thank you so much for listening to this episode. You are awesome. Go out there and develop your pressure relief valve so that you can kick ass. Have fun, enjoy life, and thrive in your relationships.

Until next time, stay calm and stay strong. Peace.