#1 Why You Need Emotional Fitness To Ditch Stress & Be Happy
Would you like to wake up every morning with a badass force field of happiness, confident that you’re crushing life, you can roll with any punches life throws at you, and you never lose your temper?
I sure hope so, because you totally can, and the “how-to” is exactly what I have on tap for you today.
But first, let me ask you one more question. Can you relate to any of the following?
You'd like to hit the mute button on repetitive negative thoughts
You wanna say “fuck off” to stress, anger and anxiety
You have a loved one, or kiddo who’s struggling with difficult emotions
You want to crush your goals and maximize your happiness
If you said “yes” to any or all of that, then you are definitely in the right place!
Key Episode Highlights:
Life is way too short to sit too long in anger, irritation, or any other negative emotion. It’s time to say goodbye to that bullshit. I’ll show you how!
Hear about my personal experience with a career-ending injury as a firefighter and exactly how I battled and eventually conquered living with depression, chronic pain, and intense family trauma.
(TW) Suicidal Ideation – I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t know how to live anymore. One day, I found myself alone in a parking lot with my gun in my mouth. Pain may feel insurmountable at times, but here’s the truth… pain can be a catalyst for purpose, mental and emotional resilience, and of course, grit, growth, and gratitude.
By tuning into this podcast, you’re going to learn how to obtain radical wellness, communicate and process emotions in healthy ways, and cultivate more fun and happiness in your life.
Episode #1 Transcription
Hello. My name is Joe, and I am so stoked and honored that you decided to join me for the very first episode of the Grit, growth and Gratitude podcast. And I am on a mission here to make you the happiest and most resilient person that you know, and I hope to do all of that. By seeing if I can persuade you to view your mental and your emotional fitness in the exact same light that you already view physical fitness.
Because once you have this realization that your mental and your emotional fitness are just like your physical fitness, and they're things that can be dramatically improved upon with easy to do exercise. That is where the magic in life really starts to unfold, and you start leveling up your happiness and your inner peace and resolving conflicts in your relationships, as well as learning how to barrel through any obstacle that life throws your way, and turn your challenges into opportunities for growth.
And connection and resiliency and empathy and all of these amazing, beautiful things that life has to offer, but that your mind and technology and other people are trying to rob you of. But before I get into all that, let me throw out a quick disclaimer that I'm no expert in anything other than my own experience, but I do address topics of mental health and suicidal ideations in particular in this episode.
And I use colorful language, so it's not appropriate for all audiences. That being said, let me kick this off by asking you a few questions. Tell me if you can relate to any or all of this. Maybe you're just not as happy as you'd like to be, and you know in your heart that there's way more good vibes to be had and that life is short and you don't wanna leave any of that on the table.
Or maybe when rough circumstances and emotions rise up, you either stuff them down and ignore them, or you have a really difficult time processing and getting through 'em. Or here's a tough one. Maybe marriage or being a parent or wherever you're at at this point in your life just isn't stacking up the way you thought it would, and you're not having a lot of joy or fun, but you are having a lot of conflict in your relationships that you don't quite know how to resolve peacefully.
Lastly, maybe you can't relate to any of that, which I really hope is the case for you, but still, maybe you have a friend or a spouse or a kiddo who's struggling with difficult and complex emotional issues and you just don't quite feel a hundred percent equipped to help them through it. So you'd like some tools and guidance.
If any of those scenarios are ringing true for you, then you, my very dear friend, are definitely in the right place. And let me just mention one more thing that we'll be tackling on this podcast that I'm super passionate about, because it is the source of a lot of unnecessary human suffering, and that is internal conflict and division.
And what I mean by. Is, do you ever set a goal for yourself? Like for example, this weekend, instead of having pizza and beer, I'm gonna eat super clean, lift weights, and I'm gonna go to yoga, and then all of a sudden it's Friday evening, you're a happy hour with the homies. You're two slices of pizza in, you're on your fourth beer and you're like, what the fuck just happened to me?
I am doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do. And that is disconnect, right? It's the first layer of internal division. You say you're not gonna do something and then you do it. And as if that struggle wasn't challenging enough, your brain is a total dick and it adds another layer. You get home from the bar and you're in the shower and you're just pissed off at yourself.
You're like, why did I do that? I said, I wasn't gonna do it. And so now, instead of your internal voice being your biggest cheerleader, which is possible by the way, it's a dickhead, hater, inner critic, and you're just totally beating yourself. You're like, I'm such an idiot. I can't make these goals. I'm never gonna lose this weight, yada, yada, yada.
And so you set the goal, you fail the goal, and now you're beating yourself up over failing the goal. And that sucks. So if any of that resonates with you, then you are definitely home because we are gonna own our minds and we are stopping that bullshit right in its tracks. And so at this point, if you're like, Hey, Joe, that hits home and I definitely want to be the happiest and most resilient person that I know, but why are you so confident that you're the guy who could teach me how to do it?
Well, great question. I'm glad you asked. I'm confident that I can teach you this stuff because I'm the happiest and most resilient person that I know, despite the fact that six years ago, I literally had a gun to my own head, and now that I'm in this place of unshakeable resiliency and joy and the ability to handle anything life throws my.
Nothing brings me greater happiness than sharing with people the tools that led me here, and that's exactly what this podcast is about, because I am so thankful for the mental and the emotional fitness game and these tools that I've accumulated, and grit, gratitude, resiliency, empathy, patience, communication, all of these amazing things that I'm so stoked to.
These are skill sets and you can totally master them yourself with exercises that are not that hard to do, and just take a few minutes a day. And that being said, this podcast is not about me. It's about you, and creating an incredible transformation in your life. However, as we kick things off and get to know each other, I think it would be appropriate for me to share a little bit more about who I am and why I'm here talking to you.
I was a firefighter and I loved it. I was living the dream at the peak of my career, and I was enjoying my life with my wife, our two beautiful kiddos and our two dogs. I was crushing all of my goals, and I felt like I was on top of the world. But like the great Mike Tyson says, everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face.
And in 2017, life punched the shit outta my face first. I had a career ending injury that not only took me away from my dream job, but also cut my income in half and caused me to have intense physical, chronic pain every. Within just a few short months of me getting hurt on the firetruck, my sweet little daughter, Sophie, started showing the symptoms of what would later be diagnosed as a brain disorder, and it manifested with intense violence and rage, followed by severe bouts of shame and depression.
It was so heartbreaking. And then my mom got dementia and no longer recognized me or my kids, and then two of my very close friends killed themselves. As if all of that wasn't hard enough. Both of my dogs got separately diagnosed with terminal cancer within a week of each other, and then following that huge cluster fuck of a shit show that life dealt us.
My wife became incapacitated with her own mental health struggles with bipolar disorder. And then to top everything off, as a consequence of all of the above, my poor little son Sean, began developing severe anxiety. And by the way, I'm not putting my family on blast here. Spoiler alert, we made it through all of this, and now that we're on the other side of it, it's our entire family mission to share with authenticity not only what our struggles were, but how we overcame and conquered them as a team.
Anyways, as my entire life that I had built up over 36 years, just in an instant came catastrophically crumbling down. I was suffering under such intense physical and emotional pain that it's really hard to even put into words. And then one day I just kind of hit a tipping point and I found myself in a parking lot alone in my car with my gun in my.
And my finger on the trigger and I did not want to die. That is for damn sure. I really didn't, but I just felt like I was suffocating and I didn't know how to live under the weight of what seemed like insurmountable pain and suffering. But by the grace of God, here's another spoiler alert. I survived and I didn't pull the trigger that day, and although that moment is definitely the most painful thing that I have ever experienced in my entire life.
It's also simultaneously and paradoxically the thing that I'm actually the most thankful for because I hit rock bottom that day, and then that was the catalyst to me becoming so mentally and emotionally fit and really understanding how my mind and my emotions work and becoming so resilient that I can weather any adversity and learning how to teach my kiddos about their minds and their emotions and all of this stuff that I'm just so excited to share with.
And if you're interested in hearing the full version of that story, I'd really like to encourage you to also check out episode number two of this podcast because that is where I share with just gut level authenticity and honesty, the real nitty gritty of our struggles and my bout with severe depression and my near miss with.
And our radical recovery from all of that. So if you've ever struggled with any sort of mental health or emotional difficulties, or you've had major grief or obstacles thrown in your way, or you have any family members or loved ones who have, and you wanna see how life circumstances that are super shitty and devastating can eventually turn into something miraculous and beautiful, I think, and hope you'll get a lot out of.
Because if you're hurting or you're struggling, or you have a loved one who is, I want you to know that you're not alone and you can endure. So hang in there because you have got this. And here at this podcast together we're gonna create a life where you throw a huge middle finger up in the air to stress and anxiety.
You crush your goals and you're having a lot of fun. And we're gonna do this by beefing up our mental and our emotional fitness. So what exactly is mental and emotional fitness? Great question. I'm glad you asked because we don't talk a lot about this stuff, but we do all know what physical fitness is, so let's take a definition of that and just tweak it a little bit.
So physical fitness is the ability of all of your different body systems to work together effectively and efficiently in order for you to function in the way that you want to and to be healthy. So along those same lines, mental and emotional fitness is the ability of your mind and your emotions to work together effectively and efficiently so that you could crush your goals, have great connection in your relationships.
And be happy as fuck because life is short and you deserve that. And that's what we're all about here. And to get there, check this out. Back to our physical fitness analogy. Imagine that you've hired a personal trainer because you've gotten really outta shape and you want to get fit and healthy. One of the first things that she's gonna do is evaluate where you stand on the different pillars of physical fitness.
And those are things like body mass index, cardiovascular, endurance, flexibility, strength, and so on. Right. Well, in the exact same way, your mental and your emotional fitness have pillars too. And here's what we're gonna be working on and improving in this podcast. Self-awareness, self-esteem, focus, concentration, patience, equanimity, acceptance.
There's a bunch and it's all good stuff, but you really don't need to know any of them. Take for example, our personal trainer. Let's say that she never told you about any of those pillars, but she had you run and lift weights and do yoga four days a week. There's no doubt that you would improve across the board in all of those areas, right?
Well, again, the exact same thing holds true with our mental and our emotional fitness. I'm gonna provide you with mindsets, stories, interviews, meditations, and exercises. And over time you're definitely gonna improve across the board in all of those pillars, and that is life-changing stuff guaranteed. So let's check in here for a minute.
When you heard me rattle off all of those pillars of mental and emotional fitness, were you thinking like, okay, Joe, I get this and I can see areas where I'm really strong, but I can also see some weaknesses that need to be shored up. Like maybe you heard the word reactivity and you were like, dude, I never lose my temper.
I am not reactive at all. Or you heard patience and you were like, man, I can sit in traffic all day long. No problem. Just enjoy my music. I got patience for days. But maybe you were like me at one point in my life and you're like, wait, what? There's a whole spectrum of human emotions that I'm supposed to be experiencing.
I don't think that sounds right. I only have two: happiness and anger. Are you sure? There's a lot more? And so if you are already aware of your own strengths and weaknesses, that's awesome, but I really want to challenge you to be careful and keep an open mind. Because emotions are tricky and it's the unknown unknowns that are super dangerous, and if you're not careful, they can really catch you slipping.
An example of this is before my life totally caved in on me and I was in a total crisis. I didn't even know what equanimity was, let alone that it's a muscle that you can grow. And in case you're in the same boat as me. Equanimity is amazing. It's one of the pillars, and it's the ability to maintain your mental and your emotional calmness and composure, even when things go totally sideways in your life.
Basically, it's the ability to be okay even when everything is not okay. And now that I have it, I have to tell you it is a superpower, but it's deceiving because sometimes you think you have it and you actually don't. An example of this is when I was on the fire department, it would boggle my mind how my peers, my coworkers, and myself, we could be in the middle of total chaos just talking on the radio.
Cool as a cucumber, putting together tactical plans, facilitating resources, like seriously, if you haven't been there, it's so hard to describe just how chaotic a house fire or a drowning call, or a really bad car accident. And so many of us were just awesome under that type of pressure. It didn't matter how crazy it got in the thick of it all.
Our communication was crisp, clear. We were calm and concise and composed. We could listen empathetically to our medical patients even when they were screaming in agony. I'm talking radical equanimity when we were on the clock. But then when it was time to go home and the marriage was strained, or the kids were screaming, or there wasn't enough margin in the budget, Equanimity gone.
The ability to be calm and poised and be okay even when everything wasn't okay gone. As a matter of fact, my wife was just talking to me about this the other day. She's a teacher and she was sharing with me how it's wild and frustrating that she can keep her equanimity, her kindness, her consciousness. All of that good stuff when she's in the classroom facing 28 little lunatics.
But then when she comes home, she gets super easily frustrated with the two little maniacs who she loves the most. And that's why it's super important when you're dealing with your emotions to keep an open mind, stay on your toes, and remain honest with yourself, like maybe you have equanimity and you're able to maintain that calmness and composure at.
Does it transcend into the rest of your 24 hours, and can you tap into it whenever you really need to? If not, no problem at all because equanimity is one of my favorite things on the planet, and we will definitely be working on it a lot here. And so before we close out today, I just wanna share a little bit of pushback that I get when I'm teaching this stuff.
A lot of times I hear people say like, dude, I'm just not naturally good at X, Y, or Z, so I don't think this is for me. Like I'm not naturally very patient, or I just have a really bad temper, or, I don't think meditating is for me, man. My mind is just way too busy and scattered. Well check this. Just like in our physical fitness example, that's kind of like telling your trainer, dude, I'm just not naturally very flexible, so I don't really want to stretch.
Guess what? Most people aren't naturally very flexible or patient or good at acceptance or whatever. But I guarantee you, if you hit that yoga studio three or four days a week, then over the course of several months, there is no doubt that your flexibility is gonna majorly improve. And the same exact thing holds true for these mental and emotional fitness exercises.
And another little pushback I get is, dude, I'm already squared away. I'm a happy guy and I don't have a lot of stress and I handle adversity like a. To answer that. Let me go back to physical fitness one more time. Athletes don't quit working out, right? They're always trying to get bigger, faster, stronger, break the next record and the same exact thing holds true here.
Again, with emotional fitness, there's no downside to going from functional to exceptional or from exceptional to extraordinary. I mean, can you honestly really be too happy or enjoy your life too much? Obviously not. And so as we head towards the finish line of this episode, let's cue up the Rocky Balboa I of the Tiger music.
And why is that? Because this is exciting people. This is where we get pumped up. This is the moment where you draw your line in the sand and you throw up a huge middle finger in the air to stress. Anger, anxiety and all that other BS that the mind is always trying to shove down your throat. You want unshakeable happiness, inner peace, and self-confidence, and damn it, you're gonna get it.
And you want the ability to take all of that pain that you've experienced and turn it into passion and purpose and to be able to barrel through any obstacle that life throws your way. And lastly, but maybe most importantly, You wanna be a cycle breaker and know exactly what it means to have the ability to model challenging emotional circumstances and complex feelings, and live an exceptionally emotionally fit life for your friends, your spouse, your kiddos, but most importantly for you.
Because you are a badass human being with infinite value and untapped potential, and the radical ability to love hard and to lean in, and you deserve inner peace and happiness. And that is just the bottom line. As one of my favorite mindfulness and meditation teachers, John Cabot Zen says, you can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to.
And together, it would be my absolute honor if you would join me and let's learn how to be totally kick ass, unstoppable surfers as we navigate this crazy ocean that we call life. So stick with me as I throw down insights, interviews, meditations, and exercises, and my biggest goal after every episode will be for you to have something that you can put into practice right away to increase your inner peace and happiness, learn about your mind and your emotions and enjoy your life.
And that my very dear friends is a wrap on the very first episode of The Great Growth and Gratitude podcast.
Before you head out the door, I've got something I'd like to ask you to do. Please subscribe and follow this show and leave a review. It is definitely the best way to help us grow our show and to reach people who could benefit from this content.
And if you leave a review, Email me a screenshot and I'll mail you two free super dope stickers. You can grab my email address and check those stickers out in the links in the show notes. Other than that, thank you so much for listening. I can't wait to connect more. Go out there, have fun, be happy, stay calm, and stay strong.
Peace. Thanks for listening. This has been Grit, growth, and Gratitude with Joe Specter, your source for mental and emotional fitness. Just because you're struggling doesn't mean you are failing. Remember that.
